Back to Earth (a discarded sequel)
by Cececat
Summary: The discarded, disowned sequel of "A Sci-Fi Fan's Adventure" I began last January. It's pretty bad compared to the first story, though in the very least it's entertaining. Perhaps I'll add more if other people somehow like it. The cover is a parody of the cover to "Shock Treatment", which is hated by many and like by a few. That's supposed to be symbolic. (Please... Read? Review?)


**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show._ I do own the 'Fay-verse' characters. **

**A/N: So... here's the 'non-canon' sequel to Fay's story I attempted a long time ago. There's a reason I only began it. As I've said on my profile, it just got worse and worse. So... laugh if you'd like. I found it when going through files on my computer. It's like a bad fanfic of _A Sci-Fi Fan's Adventure!_ **

* * *

One evening, very soon before our 10th wedding anniversary, Flora and I discussed the idea of an heir for the first time.

"You know, I think we need to find someone to inherit the throne when I die."

Flora burst out laughing. "Darling, you're 27. And everyone likes you, so there's no threat of assassination."

She had a point there. "I guess what I'm saying is that I want a kid."

"That's a different matter. A much more complicated matter. Naming an heir is a bunch of paperwork… a kid is a lot more work. Especially all the 'ah, I'm adopted!' angst they'll go through later on."

I sighed. "You're right. Speaking of raising children, I wonder how Aunt Janet is doing? We haven't spoken in about five years."

"I thought she died or something."

"Brad would've sent a letter in something really drastic had happened. Maybe we should pay her a visit?"

Flora stared at me. "What, just show up on her doorstep? Remember, darling, Earth isn't yet part of the Empire."

"She's my Aunt. Anyway, Earth won't ever be part of the Empire. I would never allow such a thing." I didn't want any earthling governments to find out about the existence of 'aliens'. That sort of thing belonged in Speculative Fiction films and novels.

"You know, I think we both deserve a holiday. Riffraff and Magenta do, too. Maybe we could rent out that house we stayed in for Estella's fourth birthday?"

"Maybe."

It was on that week-long-trip that Magenta and I had gotten very, very, very drunk…

Riffraff, Flora, Janet, and Trixie were off seeing a movie or something. And I don't even remember why Magenta and I stayed behind. And then we found a bottle of vodka. And we somehow got on the topic of how much Magenta missed Columbia. Apparently they'd gotten drunk together a lot. Which apparently always led to sex. I didn't really understand until I was so smashed I couldn't walk. I think we played a drinking game while watching Star Trek reruns.

The last thing I clearly remember was something about Mr. Spock's ears being caught in an automatic rice picker.

And later we'd both woken up feeling dreadful. We never spoke of any of that again... And I never told Flora. I'm also pretty sure Magenta told Riffraff.

That wasn't the last time something like that had happened. But I swore to myself I wouldn't let it happen again.

Yet I couldn't help but worry about it as Flora and I planned our trip back to Earth.

* * *

After six years of marriage, Brad had left his wife Janet. Nobody outside the family knew why. Janet and her young daughter Estella moved in with the former's grandfather. The poor, brokenhearted woman never left the house again.

Rumors started about Janet having committed suicide soon sprung up.

They weren't true. Technically speaking, she still lived. As some sort of insane tribute to her failed marriage she'd put on her wedding dress… and never again taken it off. Janet ate only just enough to stay alive and spent all her time looking over old photographs in her bedroom. With the curtain's drawn (as they often were) the place was nearly too dark to see.

Her grandfather, an old professor, raised Estella.

Of course, he knew his days were numbered. He was lucky to still be alive at his nearly ancient age. So he began secretly looking for a person to care for Estella.

And, a few weeks after Estella's 9th birthday, he convinced a well-mannered 14-year-old boy to babysit her.

The boy's name? Pip Trent.

He lived with his Aunt Nell Jones and Uncle Gregory Jones on the other side of town. The old man knew them to be a respected family of average income. If Pip took enough of a liking to Estella, then they might adopt the girl. And the old man, being quite wealthy by the small town's standards, could set up an allowance system for after his death. Yet he told nobody of his plans.

And so, little Estella befriended young Pip.

They became like siblings.

"I wonder what the old professor is up to," Mrs. Jones said one Saturday afternoon, as they waited for their son to return home.

"What do you mean?" he husband asked.

"He's clearly up to _something_. How am I the only one who doesn't find his sudden interest in Pip suspicious?"

Mr. Jones shrugged. "At least it'll keep him out of all the trouble his mot-"

"DON'T YOU _DARE_ talk about anything involving my wretched sister."

And then Pip walked in the door.

This may be a good time to describe what the boy looked like. You may recognize his features, dear reader, as similar to those of another character. His hair was a stark shade of jet black, his eyes a slightly greenish color. He was thin and scrawny, yet rather tall for his age. Thanks to his Aunt, he currently wore (among other things) khaki pants and a collared shirt. Both garments looked awkwardly formal on him.

"Good evening Aunt Nell, Uncle Gregory," he said, more politely than one might except from a boy of his age.

"What did you do today?" Mrs. Jones asked gruffly.

"Mister Lloyd had me take young Miss Estella to the cinema to see _Star Wars: Return of the Jedi._ Then he allowed me to borrow a book from his library."

"What book?" Mr. Jones asked politely.

" _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ by Douglas Adams."

To Mrs. Jones, a book with a name like that sounded dangerous. Pip still told stories about the spaceship he'd seen in his yard all those years ago.

Mrs. Jones _really_ didn't trust Professor Lloyd.

* * *

The Transylvanian Empire's technology had improved in the last few years, and now we were able to get to earth in only two hours. And we weren't even in a very small spaceship!

As Queen I got the best in everything.

I'd rented the same house as before. As soon as we each brought our own luggage into the main hall, we plotted out the day.

"So... Since it's o'clock, we can probably save unpacking for later," I said.

"That's less strategic," Flora pointed out.

"But I really want to go see Aunt Janet," I replied.

Magenta rolled her eyes at my childish tone

"Well, it's technically up to you, since you're the Queen," Riffraff grumbled.

"She's the Queen of the Transylvanian Empire. That title doesn't mean anything here," said Magenta.

"…And that's _exactly_ why we're here. So I can go back to being 'that anti-social science fiction fan'. Being Queen of an entire empire gets annoying after a while."

 _Why do you want to revert back to your primitive Earthling self? You were very annoying back then._

"Anyway, I think we should make a schedule," Flora said.

I raised an eyebrow. "We don't need a serious schedule. We'll spend the morning wandering around and saying hello to all our old friends. Then, we'll go to the diner for lunch. After that, we can continue wandering around pointlessly."

Flora sighed. "So… objections to Fay's idea?"

There weren't any.

* * *

The first place we went was, of course, Aunt Janet's house. One reason we'd rented the particular house we rented was that her house stood only two doors down from it. So, the four of us walked right over and knocked on the door. We waited for quite a while…

Nobody opened the door.

"She must be out," Magenta said after a moment.

Flora glanced at me. "Should we go inside and wait?"

Something seemed wrong about the house. It seemed so … eerie. "No. Let's go to Mr. Lloyd's house."

"Who?" Flora asked.

"He's that guy who she grew up seeing as a grandfather. She often sends Estella there on weekends, and it is a Sunday. Even if Estella isn't there, at least he might know where she is."

And so we walked to his house. Since it was summer, getting around without a car was simple. As long as we never wanted to leave the town we wouldn't need a car. That's a good thing, seeing as only Riffraff has an Earth drivers license and it needs renewing anyway.

Soon enough we stood outside his house. Since my hand hurt from hammering on the door, Flora knocked.

Thankfully someone opened it right away.

There stood a teenage boy who I didn't recognize. Something about the expression on Magenta's face gave me the idea she knew him, though.

"Er… Hello," he said nervously.

"Is Janet Majors here? Or her daughter Estella?"

He looked very confused. "Who _are_ you?"

"I'm her niece, Fay Gallagher. Tell her I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch for the last few years."

The boy's eyes widened. "I think you better come inside and talk to Mister Lloyd. All of you."

And, moments later, we all sat in the Professor's familiar living room. Magenta, Flora, and I sat on the couch; Professor Lloyd sat in an antique armchair; the odd boy stood near the doorway; and young Estella stood next to Professor Lloyd's chair.

In the years that had passed, Estella had grown up quite a bit. Her hair fell in classical, golden curls similar to her mother's.

 _Oh, she looks like Fay Wray did in_ King Kong _! Funny, since she's not the one who's named after the actress._

Her eyes were her father's, clearly. Though a strange aura of sadness surrounded her. She wore a plain, older fashioned dress and a solemn expression.

"Where's my Aunt?" I asked after a moment.

"Mother is upstairs, as always," Estella said in a mechanical voice.

I raised an eyebrow. "Upstairs? As always?"

"It's a strange story," Mr. Lloyd explained.

"Tell us," I begged.

"Well, about four years ago, Brad left town. To this day Janet won't say why. Apparently the argued about something. The day he left, your aunt put on her old wedding dress and locked up their house. Nobody's gone into the place since.

"On the last day anyone really saw her she was acting very strange. She shouted something about snow and mud and a castle. That night she retreated into a guest bedroom in my attic. There she stayed, looking through boxes of old Polaroids.

"Janet still hasn't taken off her wedding dress. And she's still in the attic."

This sounded quite unpleasant. Why on earth would she do such a thing?

"They say mother is mad," said Estella.

Yet how did the random boy who'd answered the door figure into all this? I'd never met him. He wasn't a member of Mr. Lloyd's family... As far as I knew.

"Who are you, boy?" Magenta asked, before I could.

"Me? My name is Pip."

Magenta rolled her eyes. "Why are you here, though?"

"Young Mr. Pip takes me to the movies and looks after me when Professor Lloyd is too busy. He also helps Professor Lloyd by answering the door, among other things."

Estella's strangely robotic mannerisms were beginning to freak me out.

"How's he related to all this?" I asked.

"He's just a random kid who lives around here," Mr. Lloyd replied.

Suddenly, Flora cleared her throat. "I don't think I've actually even met Janet. I've not the slightest idea who any of you people are!"

"Well, I don't know who you are," Mr. Lloyd replied.

"She's my wife," I replied, rolling my eyes.

A dead silence filled the room.

I'd forgotten about how different life is on earth...

Pip looked very confused. "But, that-"

"Run along now, Pip. I'm sure you're Aunt and Uncle are wondering where you are!"

"But, they are both-"

"Yes, lovely. Just go home and don't tell you Aunt any of this!"

"But-"

"ALIENS DID IT! Just go, Pip Edmund Trent!"

At that, he ran off.

* * *

After quite a bit of catching up, we invited Estella and the Professor over for lunch. He declined the invitation. So we went back to the house.

Riffraff had spent the entire morning inside.

"Why didn't you leave the house?" I asked him.

"Because I wanted to avoid any earthlings. They're so troublesome."

"Maybe you should've stayed home. The only 'non-earthling' in the area, save for us, is Trixie," Magenta pointed out.

"Speaking of Trixie, isn't she coming over for dinner this evening?" Flora asked.

I raised an eyebrow. "Is she really?"

"I think so, since I wrote it on my calendar. Her husband should be there, too."

 _"Husband?_ She has a husband?" I'd always thought she was single.

Magenta laughed. "Yes, they've been happily married since 1950. But her husband invented a persona named 'Ed Wood' and became a movie director for a few decades. In 1978 he faked his death and returned here."

"Wow."

The four of us went back to eating our lunch (smoked salmon on bagels) in silence. It was nice being somewhere you weren't constantly waited upon.

 _That's kind of bratty. Think of all those poor kids in coalmines who'd loved to have all your servants working for them._

At times like this I wished my Father wasn't still haunting me.

 _I've got nothing better to do, and you know that._

Soon enough, we'd all finished eating lunch.

"I planned to invite Estella and Professor Lloyd to dinner. Are we really having Trixie and her husband over?" I asked.

"Yes," Riffraff replied, clearly annoyed.

"…And we can't cancel?"

Magenta sighed, "Of course not. I invited my good friend Trixie and her husband over for dinner. _You_ can't cancel the party for your own convenience. You aren't Queen here, Fay."

 _She's right, you know._

* * *

It turns out that the so-called dinner party would just be everyone eating pizza and watching _Star Wars_ on the television. I hadn't seen _Star Wars_ before, though it looked fascinating. Lots of spaceship battles and other unrealistic stuff.

At least I already knew Trixie. Such an informal event would be odd with less-close friends. Though I hadn't met her husband…

He wore a men's leather jacket, an ordinary button down shirt, a silk scarf, a stylish pencil skirt, and heels. Looking at him was a bit… confusing.

 _Aw, he looks like I did when I was younger!_

Only my Father would ever say that. I was very glad I only could hear him, because I'm sure Davis would've been offended.

"I've missed out on practically a decade of Science Fiction, haven't I?" I said, when I watched the prologue scroll by on the screen.

Davis chuckled. " _Star Wars_ is old news. Have you really not seen it?"

"I've been pretty busy lately," I replied.

The movie was just amazing. The visuals were breathtaking… I'd never seen anything like it. No wonder they called it groundbreaking.

At nearly midnight, Pip awoke to the sound of strange music. Weird music. The soundtrack to... Star Wars?

It sounded like the imperial march!

He slowly sat up and blinked. After a moment he noticed a piece of paper taped to the outside of his window. Carefully not to make too much noise, he tiptoed to see what it was. Someone had taped a note to the outside of his window.

A note that read:

'I know you want to know about your parents. As a very close friend of your mother's, I feel entitled to explain everything.

Meet me where my spaceship crashed in 1975.'

He had never been allowed to tell the story about the spaceship in his backyard. Nobody knew except for Uncle Gregory. This had to be real.

Quietly as possible he put on his bathrobe. He wasn't cold in just his plaid pajamas… he just wanted to look like Arthur Dent.

He saw a strange light in the trees as he walked across the backyard.

And so he decided to be a rebel for once. Meet this person. Either he'd find out who his parents really were, get abducted by aliens, or be shrieked at by Aunt Nell.

* * *

In the middle of the night I heard footsteps. At first I assumed it to be a palace guard…and then I remembered that we weren't at the palace.

We were in the house we'd rented on earth. The familiar sight of Flora lying next to me calmed me down. Yet everything sees scarier at such an hour…

I slowly got out of bed and put on my dressing gown (which had been draped over a desk chair). Careful not to wake Flora, I walked over to the door and opened it.

No horror movie monster stood there. A perfectly ordinary friend did.

There, only a few steps outside my bedroom, Magenta was putting on her shoes. An oversized purse was slung over her shoulder. And, I noticed, she wore the outfit she'd worn earlier. Not the pajamas she'd later changed into.

"Magenta? What are you doing?" I whispered.

The sound of my voice startled her momentarily. Then she stood up, and began to walk toward the nearby door. The back door that lead to the yard.

"I'm going to meet that boy, Pip. I must tell him."

I stared at her in blank confusion. "What?"

Ignoring me, she walked through the door. I followed her without thinking.

She was walking toward that forested area near the edge of town. Right toward that little house where Mr. Jones had let me borrow his wife's dress for the day. I had no idea what she could be up to! How did she even know those people?

I crouched amongst the trees and watched her set up speakers.

Music began to play. I didn't recognize the song. It sounded similar to the music played in that movie we'd watched earlier.

What was going on?

Now Pip stood right at the edge of the forest.

In the darkness, he couldn't see anyone. The music still played, at least.

"Hello?" he called.

"Hello," replied a slightly familiar voice.

He jumped.

There stood the redheaded woman he'd met earlier. Not Mrs. Majors' niece, but the other one. He could just barely see her.

She was smiling at him.

Something about that smile scared him. It must've just been the lack of light or something.

"So… my name is Magenta Quinn. I know your name already. You are Pip Edmund Trent."

"That's, er, right," Pip replied.

"Well, then. I've come here to tell you a story. About your Mother and Father."

"You knew them? Personally?"

"Of course. Your mother was named Laura Trent. I never even knew why, but we all called her Columbia."

"If you don't mind my asking, Miss, who is 'we'?"

"Well… it's a very long story. But, in the honor of Columbia's memory, I feel like I should tell you. That means no more interrupting."

She paused for a moment, and then went on. "You parents were named Laura Trent and Eddie Scott. My brother Riffraff, our friend Frank, your mother, and I lived in a castle on the outskirts of town. Eddie worked as a pizza delivery boy nearby. One day we ordered pizza and he showed up. After your mother first set eyes on him she wouldn't stop going on and on in that high-pitched voice of hers.

"So, a few days later, Columbia sent me into town to find out who he was. I figured out his name and address. The next day they went to the ice cream parlor for a date at about lunchtime… but she didn't return home until about 10:30 that evening. I knew we were in for trouble.

"They were really cute together. But when she got pregnant everything went crazy. I think they'd only known each other for a few weeks. He didn't tell his uncle, whom he lived with, because he thought it would make matters worse. Columbia was freaked out about it. All the crying she did started bothering everyone. If Riffraff and I hadn't stood up for her, Frank might've kicked her out!

"A few months before you were born, Eddie's uncle found out about Columbia being pregnant. That was the last straw. So Eddie ended up moving into the castle. You only lived at the castle for a few months before we sent you to your Aunt's house.

"They both died on the same night of completely unrelated causes. In November 1974. Eddie had been frozen in the laboratory deep freezer for a few months, after the removed half his brain for a… science project. When some guests distracted Frank, Columbia attempted to free Eddie from the freezer. That failed when Frank got annoyed at all the commotion it was causing. He killed your father with a pickax.

"And then Frank forced my brother to butcher Eddie's corpse into a suitable roast for dinner. I hate to admit it, but I served poor Eddie to your mother. It was horrid. A few hours later, my brother accidently shot Columbia with a laser gun. It killed her instantly."

Pip was in shock. How had Aunt Nell lied about all this? His mother didn't sound like a 'good-for-nothing' sort of person.

After a moment, he realized that the woman was crying.

Chapter 5:

The next day, at breakfast, Magenta avoided looking me in the eye. I think she didn't want to talk about last night.

Though it's not like any weird happened.

After I'd led her home, we'd sat in the living room for a while. She needed to stop crying before she could go back to bed. So I tried to be a good friend and sit there next to her. Just to be there for her.

Innocent intentions like that always turn into something not so innocent… at least when Magenta is involved.

Around two in the morning isn't a good time to make good decisions. All we did was kiss. A lot.

What would poor Flora say if she ever found out?

I forced myself to push that thought to the back of my mind. To forget it for now. Everyone else was talking about plans for today, it seemed.

"I think we should visit Estella again. And maybe try to talk to Janet," Flora was saying.

"That sound like a good idea," I agreed.

"No matter what, I'm staying here," replied Riffraff.

Magenta raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I hate earthlings."

I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with him. He seemed even more irritable than usual. Had something happened…?

Before I could actually ask him, everyone else started getting up from the table. Time to go visit Professor Lloyd and Estella, apparently.

Pip would've thought that the alien woman telling him about his parents was a mere dream if it weren't for the note that had been taped to the window. The next day he awoke in his bed with that scrap of paper crumpled in his hand.

Today he'd talk to Uncle Gregory. Aunt Nell would screech at him if he mentioned anything about his mother, Laura 'Columbia' Trent.

It was nice to finely know his parents' names.

After he'd showered and gotten dressed, he went downstairs for breakfast. Uncle Gregory sat at the table and was reading a newspaper. Aunt Nell, thankfully, wasn't even awake.

"Did you know Eddie?" Pip asked.

Uncle Gregory stared blankly at his nephew. "Eddie...? Which Eddie?"

"Eddie Scott, who used to deliver pizza. My dad. That Eddie."

"Oh dear…"

"Did you know him?" Pip asked, sitting down at the table.

"Not really. I think we met, once or twice."

"Did you know my mother, Laura Trent? And why does Aunt Nell hate her? I think I deserve to know all of it."

Seeing the torn look on Pip's face, Uncle Gregory began to pity the boy. Lied to for all these years.

"Please! Explain what they did wrong!"

"Laura started hanging out with less-than-respectable people in high school. In fact, she dropped out in her senior year. Then she started living with strange people. I don't really know much of the story, Pip."

Pip had enough sense to stop asking questions at that point. Though at least what Uncle Gregory said confirmed what the odd redheaded woman had said. Anyway, Aunt Nell chose that very moment to enter the room.

They definitely couldn't talk about Pip's parents with her around.

After breakfast, Pip went to Professor Lloyd's house. He always did on weekends during the school year and nearly every day in the summer. Right now it was summer break, of course.

His 'little sister' Estella greeted him at the door.

"Is Professor Lloyd busy?" Pip asked as he entered the house.

"He's in his study," the girl replied.

Lately, Professor Lloyd had become something like a grandfather to Pip. Someone who he trusted like a family member, someone who gave advice. The old man had a kind heart and a good mind.

Maybe he could give an unbiased story of Pip's parents.

That's what Pip hoped as he entered the study.

There the professor sat, at his desk. He seemed to be reading through an old folder of some kind. A file with photos and documents. Before Professor Lloyd closed the file, Pip glimpsed a very out-of-date picture of Mrs. Janet Majors.

"Professor Lloyd? Did you ever know my parents?" Pip asked.

"Hmm?"

"I mean did you ever know Laura Trent and Eddie Scott?"

Professor Lloyd's eyes widened in shock. "Who told you?"

"An alien named Magenta Quinn. I think she came over to your house yesterday. In the middle of the night, she met me in my backyard and told me the whole story. About the castle, and how my parents really died," Pip explained.

"Why the devil would she be so stupid…?" the Professor muttered under his breath.

"What?"

Professor Lloyd sighed. "I wish she hadn't told you all that at once. You're in shock and you've only got half the story, right?"

"Right..."

"Oh, she's probably caused all sorts of emotional trauma for you now! I'm really going to need to talk to her."

Maybe talking to Professor Lloyd wasn't a good idea.

* * *

In a cold, damp basement someone swore under their breath.

Only working when nobody else was around made things complicated. Especially since this little project wasn't something easily put away.

But when a proper 'mad' scientist has an idea, he'll work under nearly any condition. That included this little basement badly lit basement. At least all his machinery fit into the place.

He needed to do this. Now he knew how to bring someone back from the dead with _improvements_. A bit of wiring here, some metal plating there…

Hopefully he'd win an award this time. Rarely were aristocrats at all clever. Yet, since Fay had become Queen, knowledge had become more valued.

And that's what mattered.

Chapter 6:

Janet Majors, nee Weiss, knew she was dying. She'd known since the day her husband left her. It was just a slow death. So days, weeks, months, years had gone by. She'd eaten as little food as possible for that time… never left that attic 'apartment'... never seen the sunlight…

The last words that selfish woman ever uttered were: "There is good in him. I know there is."

The 'him' she referred to was presumably her husband. Her dying words were an attempt to tell herself that he was a good person. Not the monster she though of him as for the last few years.

They found her corpse hours when Estella went to bring her dinner.

* * *

When Eddie first regained consciousness, he was sitting in a chair of sorts in a dimly lit room he didn't recognize. He knew something was wrong right away.

His face felt weird.

He touched his hand to his cheek. Smooth metal seemed to have replaced skin there. A hinge of sorts

Riffraff handed him a hand mirror. "It's alright. Just metal plating, see?"

The person in the mirror didn't look… right. Most of his face had been covered in some kind of metal. Eddie really didn't want to know how Riffraff had managed to attach metal to him. It now almost looked like part of his face.

"Where am I? And why do I look like a robot?"

Riffraff chuckled. "Cyborg, not robot. After Frank killed and butchered you, I preserved what remained of your cadaver in the hope you could be reanimated. Because we'd eaten part of your leg, it took a lot of cybernetics."

"Whoa... I have no idea what any of that meant."

"You died. We ate your leg. I brought you back."

"Oh." He stood up and began to slowly walk around the room. "Wait… Where's Columbia?"

"She too died all those years ago."

"Wait... How many years has it been?"

"Almost ten."

"What the hell? Can ya bring her back, too?"

Riffraff didn't answer. He didn't have time for this nonsense! Upstairs, the girls had just gotten home. Now he could hear their shrill voices through the floorboards.

"Stay here," he told Eddie, as he ran up the stairs.

Of course, Eddie didn't listen. What kinda rebel without a cause would?

Though he didn't follow Riffraff up the stairs, either.

No, he found his way out of the house through the garage. Nobody in the house saw the cyborg boy leave...

Another young man walking to that house saw him.

Eddie tried to run away from the house but failed terribly.

After only a few minutes, Eddie sat down on the side of the street. Right in front of the house Brad and Janet once lived in. It had been 10 years since his body had even moved. Even with cybernetic lungs and heart, he had to stop.

Pip was a fast runner, for such a scrawny looking kid, and soon stood right in front of Eddie.

"Are you an alien?" Pip asked.

"No! I'm a pizza delivery boy... Well, an ex pizza delivery boy."

"But you're a robot!"

"I'm part robot now because this crazy mad scientist guy brought me back from the dead a few minutes ago. Whatever. My name is Eddie, what's yours?"

"My name's Pip." He sat down next to Eddie.

"'Pip'. That's a nice name. My girl Columbia and I had a kid we named Pip. He lives with his Aunt and Uncle now."

Pip's eyes lit up with joy. "You're my dad!"

" _What_?"

"Your name is Eddie Scott? And you're girlfriend is Laura Trent, also known as Columbia. Right?"

"Yeah..."

"And you've just been brought back from the dead by a mad scientist?"

"Yeah…"

"Then you _are_ my father!"

Eddie wasn't really sure how to respond to this. Nothing made sense anymore. Nevertheless, he hugged the boy back.

"Yeah, I might be your dad…"

* * *

Eddie was confused as hell. So, he wakes up and 10 years have gone by. He's now a robot. His girl Columbia is dead. And his son he'd never met before is now this anti-social weirdo.

Eddie wasn't having a good day.

For some reason, Pip seemed very anxious to introduce Eddie to someone called Uncle Gregory. This didn't sound like a very good idea. Apparently Gregory worked at a nearby hardware store.

"I'm sure Uncle Gregory will be glad to see you. He said he's never met you before," Pip explained as they entered the shop.

The place was devoid of customers at the moment. And this Gregory guy was somewhere in the back. This worried Eddie.

"Where are you, Uncle Gregory!" Pip shouted.

A man in his early 30s walked through a door. "What is it this ti-"

"Hey!" Eddie said.

"You look like something out of one of his fucking Sci Fi comics!" Uncle Gregory shrieked.

After a moment, the poor man calmed down. "Don't tell you're Aunt I said that word. It's just, he looks like a robot person. A cyborg. Who is he and what's he doing in my shop?"

"My name's Eddie Scott. This kids my son, I think. I've been preserved in deep freeze for a decade and just came back to life. Ya know how it is..."

"Are you stoned?" Gregory asked.

"I don't think so. What's the year?"

"1984," Pip explained.

"Whoa, really?"

"Yes, really. Please get out of my shop. Pip, please get Mr. Robot out of here." He looked on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

"Cmon Dad," Pip said, leading the cyborg out of the shop.

They walked down the town's main street. That's where all the shops were. It being the middle of the afternoon during summer break, Eddie the cyborg got some weird looks.

"Let's go to my aunt's house. She'd probably like to see you."

"Your aunt?"

"Laura's sister, Nell."

Eddie was too tired to argue. Though he'd only met Nell once, he hadn't ever wants to see her again. But he really didn't fell like arguing.

"So, how old are you?" Pip asked.

"Huh?"

"When they killed you, how old were you?"

"I wasn't in high school... I hadn't been in high school for a while... Probably about 22."

"Wow! I'm 14 now."

"Cool," Eddie replied.

Soon they reached the front porch of the house. Pip didn't knock on the door, since his Aunt Nell usually left it unlocked. Nobody dared to open any of the doors without her permission.

Pip showed Eddie into the kitchen.

"Do you like tea?" Pip asked.

His aunt usually offered people tea when they came over.

"No." Eddie still had enough sanity to know that you don't ask underage kids for beer. Especially someone as nice and weird as Pip.

A moment later they both say at the table eating cookies Pip had found in the Secret Cabinet. That's where Aunt Nell hid the sweets. She didn't know that Pip knew where it was.

"When will your aunt be home?" Eddie asked.

"She probably is home right now. At this time of day she's usually reading one of those novels she reads. Or watching television. Should I introduce you to her?"

"Probably not."

"Oh."

They sat there in silence for a moment.

"You haven't seen Star Wars: the Empire Strikes Back, have you?"

"No."

"Well, I've got it on VHS for my birthday last year. Someone in it reminds me of you."

This nearly frightened Eddie.

Pip was nothing like Eddie in personality, though they looked very similar. The extreme enthusiasm Pip had for Science Fiction reminded Eddie of Columbia's enthusiasm for sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Sci-Fi seemed a lot tamer, though. A lot better.

Eddie was suddenly very glad that his son wasn't the kind of kid he was.

They went to the living room to watch the movie. After a moment of awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, Eddie sat down on the floor.

Pip sat nearby, also on the floor.

The movie began with funny scrolling letters that said something about an empire, a rebellion, and the Evil Lord Vader. That last one sounded pretty mean, in Eddie's opinion.

The film opened to a scene of this space ship thingy sending a probe out into space. It looked very real. Not the fake-y special effects he'd seen in the films Columbia had taken him to. That made sense, seeing that the

Even with Pip telling him the names of every character and all that, Eddie still enjoyed the film. Soon enough, the hero Luke Skywalker was fighting the evil Lord Vader in a dramatic duel.

And then came the famous 'Luke, I am your father scene'.

"I think it's cool that both a famous film character and I have a long-lost father who's a cyborg," Pip explained.

"Yes, but I didn't try to kill ya," Eddie said.

Pip smiled brightly at his father. "I know. People don't do that kind of thing in real life. Anyway, you're too nice."

"Thanks…"

As the end credits rolled, Pip asked a strange question. "Do I have a twin sister? Or any other siblings?"

"As far as I know… no. Why do ya ask?"

"Because, in the next movie, the girl who kissed Luke at the beginning turned out to be his long lost twin sister."

Eddie decided that mentioning the nature of Magenta and Riffraff's relationship would probably scar the kid's mind. Anyway, Pip had already gotten out a collection of comic books to show him. Pip now referred to Eddie as 'Dad'. This was a bit of a shock for Eddie. But he did his best to be nice to this kid. He wanted to be the best dad ever.

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